“But, when I am XXX lbs, this will fit and look SO cute…”
Such is my thought nearly every time I entered my closet. Clothes hanging up, clothes piled up, clothes in bags auspiciously marked with goal weights that I think I will be when they will fit. Talk about surrounding myself with unattainable goals and blatant failures. It was a combination of attempting to motivate myself, and self punishment. Some clothes… well, they used to fit. They fit for that couple month period when I was at my lowest weight. But most of them had no excuse. Most of them I bought without trying them on. I saw them on the hanger – imagined in my mind how they’d look and I brought them home.
The problem is that when I try them on in my mind I try them on someone else. Because even my mind doesn’t want to see these adorable clothes being wasted on my plumpy lumpy body.
I decided recently to get realistic about it. To be just brutal in my sorting through of these clothes. I had to start fresh. Anything that does not fit me RIGHT NOW. TODAY. Had to go. No hanging it back up with a “in 10lbs though…..” caveat.
(Approximately 1/3 of what I am selling!)
I went nuts in there. I have sold (am still selling) over 110 items. I gave 3 full garbage bags away to friends. I donated 5 garbage bags to charity. I threw 3 garbage bags away.
(I’ve never seen so many empty hangers in my life!)
What a glorious purging.
But what I’d like to actually discuss is this….
Stop projecting your dreams and goals onto physical items.
I opened a bag marked “170” and I took out clothes I feel like I’ve never seen before. Keep in mind – I’ve NEVER been 170lbs. I’ve never been near 170lbs. How the hell would even know what would fit me at that weight? And if it did, when would that even be? Would these clothes even be in style then!? What if it’s never?
If I got to 170lbs, and these clothes still didn’t fit – did I fail?!
Why was I putting so much into a bag of fabric and buttons?? I was letting all of these meaningless items decide how motivated I was, how committed I was, and how much a failure I have been. But that is not for my closet to decide! Don’t you judge me, adorable pencil skirt from 2009!
Getting rid of this stuff was really cathartic. Truly slate-clearing. I was making room in my closet, but I was making room inside of myself for new goals and dreams—ones that didn’t rely on fitting into something to be validated.
Don’t keep things around for “someday”. All you are doing is reminding yourself that THIS day is not as good as that mythical someday will be.
So, there you have it. Clearing out my closet not only has made my everyday vastly easier, it has also lifted a heavy burden that I didn’t really know that I had. I am free and open to new versions of the future, new goals and ambitions… and the joy of buying new things when new things are warranted. I’m pretty sure if I do ever hit 170lbs, I’d much rather buy shiny new things anyway!!
(pretty sure this was where I was headed)